Issued in Public Interest

Hello World!

I didn’t really pay much attention to UP politics. I should have, but I didn’t. And now that the results are here I feel silly. Silly because I can’t make a single intelligent comment about the election. Not one. I’m less informed than a vagrant who gets his news from week old pieces of newspaper used to wrap pyaaz ke pakode.

Sidenote: I once saw a page from Gandhiji’s biography used instead. Such are the perils of competitive pricing

But despite my woeful lack of awareness, I feel I ought to bring something solemn and ‘jornalsy’ to the table as a serious student of journalism. So, if I’ve got my facts right (fingers crossed) BJP won a landslide victory. I’m pretty sure it did because I saw Amit Shah smiling smugly in a press conference on TV. Yep, I watched a little TV today. News channels no less.

And I watched them very carefully too.

In fact, I observed them with such assiduity that I forgot to watch the news.

And If you’re thinking this right now: But you were watching the news, Yash. How can you forget to watch the news when you’re watching the news.
Well, you weren’t paying attention.

What I said was I was watching news channels.

And the news channel that I was watching seemed to use more VFX in a single telecast than the entire Marvel Avenger series put together.

With its dizzying array of election stats and flamboyant supers, ten minutes of Times Now is sure to give you a seizure. After all, this is the channel that gave us all those migraine inducing debates hosted by Arnab Goswami, bullish star-anchor and the most patriotic Indian ever. Ayye Gandhi ka naam kaiko liya? Haven’t you heard Godse’s speech on youtube? Arnab Goswami: Most patriotic Indian ever, period.

IMG_20170311_155447

The bricolage had me in thrall till my dad (the possessor of the remote of eternal restlessness, the vanquisher of TRPs, the… you get the idea) abruptly switched the channel to NDTV. Because, unlike me, his sensibilities stem from the sanity of a bygone era.

IMG_20170311_155457
Sorry to say this NDTV but you is a sucks. You lacks imagination.

One would think that the folks at NDTV would be smart enough to know that any news channel that doesn’t come with a shitload of visual diarrhoea is sure to go the way Dinosaurs went, followed by Dodos, followed by Barkha Dutt’s career. But they’re not.

It’s almost as if all Sharma ji ka betas pursuing journalism (although why they would pursue anything other than engineering beats me) make it to times NOW. The rest get frigging NDTV.

Take a leaf out of Times NOW’s book NDTV. Kuch seekho! Screw journalism, animation seekho.

And that, people, is my news analysis for this assembly election. Jan hit mei jaari by a special effects ka pujari. Didn’t like it?

Achha chodo. Here, enjoy this dhaasu gif. It’s a typing cat. Maybe I should hire it to write my posts for me. It’ll probably do a better job.

//giphy.com/embed/JIX9t2j0ZTN9S?html5=true
Love,
Bipolar Bear.

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